All I thought is that one of the hardest tests of my life is failing the Taxation subject in my law school, a failure that drowned my heart, that my dream of becoming a lawyer is far from the truth and total darkness awaits me. All the while I was totally wrong, it pained me so much just when I decided to turn my guard off is also the time that when I left my heart so vulnerable to just anything and maybe anyone. It is like dealing with chest pains everyday and every hour. Each memory was not significant anymore because the pain blurred it away from my very own senses.
Yes!, the pain I am going trough right now made me forget of how it feels to love and to be loved. I have figuratively opened the door as if it were a “Pandora’s box” where I cannot control who and what goes in and out. By opening my life and extending so far as the heavens could reach gave me so much joy but as I soar high, it is perpendicular to my drop zone, where it does not provide me a safe landing. I was completely dropped dead facing the floor rampaged with dirt and scarred. Indeed, it was a dead drop zone. And I am still healing in my own way of dealing this unfathomable pain. My physical wound did great of hiding the signs of pain but inside me is still devastated and lost. No amount of words could exactly define what I am feeling right at the very moment. I am forgetting special moments to forgive myself from my own or shall I say self-made world. I am in the stage of blaming “me”, for allowing myself to really open so much and now “I am shutting my Pandora’s box “because I am forgetting me.
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