Goodbye is not forever

Is this what I get from being so indifferent?
Or is this the outcome of what I did?;
Why do I feel this way to you?
You’re only just a mere boy to me.

But why do I feel terrible again?
I don’t have any idea;
Why do I care for you suddenly?
Is it because you’re leaving?
Cant you not stay with me?

Though I find you as a laughing stuff
But you brought joy to this wanderer
You have brainwashed me with the way you smile

But I guess, its bye for now
I know we will meet again;
Just make sure that you’ll come back
Because the thought of you keep haunting me


written by: rjack2000
all rights reserved 2000
any copying without mentioning the author is PENALIZED BY LAW

Graduation it is!

I want to share a draft yearbook message which I made for a friend.


Greetings!

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. ~Albert Einstein

Today begins with a single step, a journey worth remembering to all 2011 Graduates because you reaped the fruit of all your hardships and of your parents and/or guardians who have been instrumental to what you have and will become in the future. This years’ Commencement Exercise brought us to a new beginning of looking into the grand scheme of things, that each one of you- graduates has responsibility to make good use of all the learning and/or knowledge that you have gained because what you are can be defined by how well you share and impart ones education to others. Success cannot be measured by the wealth we acquired but with the people we gathered and helped in whatever way we can.

As you march outside the gates and bid goodbye to your Alma Mater, you are also bringing with you a torch of light that will guide you to where you are heading, I am definitely certain you will surpass all the barricades of life if you continue to be faithful to His words. Continue journeying with heads up high and take a look back once in a while!

Congratulations to you GRADUATES

life's journey

“Life is full beginnings, when one stop to begin, it is like cutting off one’s life”

A line shared to me by one of the retreatants here at the Monastery of Transfiguration, we chatted for like an hour or so before I set off for my morning prayer. Indeed, a perfect place for people with demented and/or broken life like me, who seek refuge and strength. A perfect moment to ponder on the many and winding events and turn in one’s life.

A man on his late fifty’s (50) or early sixty’s (60), sat on the chair waiting for his fetch and a woman on her thirty’s (30) sat on the 3rd step of the front porch of the Monastery Guest house the latter turned and stunned with his punch line. Quite contrary, here is a man who wanted to live longer and a woman who love to leave for good. This is maybe because two people have different outlook in life and came from totally different worlds. A man who shall I say helped in the destruction of the environment and a woman who advocate for its protection and preservation and promotion of the environment. A contrary it is indeed.

But what brought us here seemed to be common after all. To be in commune with our creator, and it is what matters after all. May today begins with a journey that these people will achieve what their hearts long for.
Thank you Mr. Quirino Morales for making today a celebration of new beginning in whatever form it may be.

SSSShhhhhh! SILENCE…

It’s been a little while since I really kept silent. This has nothing to do with my very vocal nature but this has something to do with the field I am exposed with since time immemorial. I am equipped with potential or shall I say gift to really express what is or are in my head and to reason out for intellectual masturbation.

Yes, with the kind of life I have, it is really hard not to speak at all. However, I don’t speak of verbal silence, what I am referring at is the kind of silence that make the “being” in me stood still for a second or two. The kind of silence that listens and surrender amidst life’s doubt and uncertainty. A silence that takes a lifetime to practice and thus, awaken the spiritual being of me.
Today, as I turned thirty, I did the right thing of KEEPING SILENT, where no electronic gadgets that bothers me, without people who blabbing with their life and not hearing mine, letting people believe that I am alright when in truth and in fact I am not, smiling at people even if am not happy inside.

Out here in the world where I can hear the humming of the birds, seeing bees sucking nectars out of the many flowers in garden, and rainwater dripping on the leaves, came a SILENT RETREAT!

Retreat is negative word which depicts backing down from something. However, a retreat gave serenity and calmness to a hungry heart. For a day or two, I talked to my master and the lover of my soul, but most of the time I listen. Treating myself from every move I made, may it be right or wrong ones. Checking my relationship with the only man who loves me despite and inspite of all my shortcomings, a man who I am really sure will not abandon me in the middle of nowhere, but a man who will carry the cross for me.
Indeed, a celebration of my thirtieth year of blissful but challenging life, by Keeping SILENT…

N.B.
Thanks to the angelic voices and prayers of the monks it did clear out some bugging things in my head. And to my fellow retreatants letting me understand where I am standing at. To family and friends who made my retreat possible.

091110

SMILE GLUED ON MY LIPS

As I return to the City of Golden Friendship, I was bringing along with me those broken glasses that were not used during the time I made the wall mosaic. It was definitely heavy but I had to bring a small box of broken glasses along with me and so with the remaining cement and sealant. And you know what kept me busy during this time is seeing people appreciating my work of art. Even if I was away from home, I posted photos in my Facebook account, entitled “to be or not to be, the Artist Side of me”so I could always see the beauty of my work. And there I saw people with giving comments with amazement that I am the one made that wall mosaic, together with a bottle of huge wine covered with glass mosaic too. My sister is so proud to answer that I did all of it without help from others except for Janssen who helped me collect broken glasses. I have several bottles of wine here at home waiting to be glued and be designed with broken glasses but as for now I want to savor the moment of being able to make a successful work of art. However, I made some collections of wine bottles wrapped with broken glasses and there will be more of my work within the coming days.

BECAUSE OF YOU

I stood with downcast eyes
I ran amidst the stormy weather;
I fight with glorious light
I laugh beneath the trials of life.

I smile amidst shallow the river
I shout for joy;
I said a little prayer
I love beneath the trials I have.


I walk beneath the quirky path
I praised with unfathomable happiness;
I knelt with hearts on fire
I lived for a reason.

You changed my life and I thank you!
I am beautiful despite the difficulties ;
I felt no more pains and sufferings
I have no fear that because of you I truly lived.

A myriad of colours

With a box of broken glasses with a myriad of colors at hand I had to research on the things that might inspire me to make use of what I have collected. I searched through google the many images that pertain to broken glasses and I found several photos using it. Some use it as a frame for mirrors, others use it to cover broken and unused vase, as cover for broken table, some as decorations of their front porch, others use it just like floor tiles, others make it as decorations for benches as a mosaic, and there are also a photo that used broken glasses as mosaic wall. With all the information’s at hand my mind bursts into imagination on how to make one for myself. I began to research on how to make mosaic wall, its requirements and materials so as not to waste my energy on nothing. I asked a friend who is into architectural designs for some tip and even borrowed stuff from him. I went to the City to buy glass sealant, white cement and hypo-allergenic latex hand glove. Went home and first design the broken glass inside my mind while I am facing the desired wall. In no time, my hand just started gluing the broken glass. While I was doing the design, I felt that I was taken to another place of mosaic walls. It took me days to glue all the broken glass. I made it stay for three days before proceeding to the next task, placing the white cement with the right mixture and poured it into a small container so I could carry it easily while putting it on the wall with the broken glass. At first it was difficult as I had to adjust the cement according to the designs of the broken glass but I managed to do it all alone with the critics behind me. It took me again several days to finish the wall mosaic but I am super glad that I did this mosaic using my sister’s house as the first model. Thanking my sister for allowing me to use a portion of her house as my first obra.

While Waiting

While waiting for my appointment in a certain government post, I went home to Bohol to have some bonding moments with my family. I certainly did have precious moments with my nephews whose classes were just starting. For the first few days, I settled with teaching the younger brother (Janssen) with some school assignments and reminding them to do the assignment first before watching television.

It was really hard to teach a child whose body and mind were already exhausted at school with all the activities during school hours and the hyper active games they usually do during breaks. But it was during this moment that I found my long lost dream of collecting broken glasses from our seashore and eventually make something out of it.

My nephew Janssen enjoyed hanging out with me while collecting these broken glasses as they were plenty, we would even compare beautiful broken glasses whose colors ranges from smoked white, gray, green, pink, blue, orange, brown, violet and a lot more. I spent hours and days with Janssen to collect and picked as many broken glasses as I can. And enjoy the sunset while walking in our shoreline. I didn’t even notice that I have collected a whole lot of box of broken glasses and I tried grouping them together according to its color and sizes. Hopefully one day I will have to make use of these collected items.

One fine day

One Monday morning, I spent long hours over the internet to chat with my mom and sister whose miles away from me, checking on new mails, browsing through Google on what is in and out of my blackberry phone. And while waiting for the completion of my downloaded music prepared brewed coffee to complete my morning routine. To date, I choose to be jobless with the reason that I was waiting for an appointment for almost a year and half, but government bureaucracy is definitely slows, I mean really slows down the process of development nationwide (pardon me for my bad words). And yes, I was patiently waiting for that particular appointment and kept myself busy with all the stuff, like for example, uploading photos through one of the popular social network here and abroad. Watching TV series online, downloading songs and put it on my Ipod (which was a birthday gift turned graduation gift) and some other sort of things but not reading books.
Oh! I did not recognize the time not until it was time for me to at least eat something for my stomach. And guess what I craved for anything but not rice. I washed up, picked up my bag with laptop in it and off I go to the City to find what I am looking for. And my feet brought me to one of the Slers Ham and Café just along Velez that offers a variety of sandwiches, coffee and a wifi connection too. So I choose the best seat facing the street and ordered their bacon, coleslaw and tomato sandwich and paired it with their café latte. I asked their wifi password but it turned out that their internet connection as still under repair, and said to myself your food better be good or else I would blab about this with friends. But before my head turns hot, they brought me the sandwich and coffee just in time to tickle my eyes with the bacon that looks so fresh and yummy. I grab half of the slice and have a big bite to be able to taste all the ingredients and yes! It is delicious compared with just looking at it (but maybe because I am already hungry) but I took another bite to confirm if it really was delicious but it is indeed yummy. It is mouth watering even while writing this one. The waiter should be thankful that I enjoyed my first meal so I do not need the wifi connection at all. But this is probably the time to slow things down and just enjoy my late brunch and be totally taken away with the food I am holding. Actually I love SLERS for their ChiCharon which I always brought home as pasalubong for my cute nephews and the smoked bacon that I cannot stop eating once I get started. SLERS according to what I have read in their web that it was actually an acronym of the owners (Fely Pelaez) children’s name, whose business started with just friends ordering ham for noche buena from the rising woman entrepreneur from Del Monte, Bukidnon which now becomes a famous local industry. So that was about my late brunch and how ecstatic I was for choosing this place to have my first meal.

MY PANDORA’S BOX

All I thought is that one of the hardest tests of my life is failing the Taxation subject in my law school, a failure that drowned my heart, that my dream of becoming a lawyer is far from the truth and total darkness awaits me. All the while I was totally wrong, it pained me so much just when I decided to turn my guard off is also the time that when I left my heart so vulnerable to just anything and maybe anyone. It is like dealing with chest pains everyday and every hour. Each memory was not significant anymore because the pain blurred it away from my very own senses.

Yes!, the pain I am going trough right now made me forget of how it feels to love and to be loved. I have figuratively opened the door as if it were a “Pandora’s box” where I cannot control who and what goes in and out. By opening my life and extending so far as the heavens could reach gave me so much joy but as I soar high, it is perpendicular to my drop zone, where it does not provide me a safe landing. I was completely dropped dead facing the floor rampaged with dirt and scarred. Indeed, it was a dead drop zone. And I am still healing in my own way of dealing this unfathomable pain. My physical wound did great of hiding the signs of pain but inside me is still devastated and lost. No amount of words could exactly define what I am feeling right at the very moment. I am forgetting special moments to forgive myself from my own or shall I say self-made world. I am in the stage of blaming “me”, for allowing myself to really open so much and now “I am shutting my Pandora’s box “because I am forgetting me.